A week ago we made a life altering decision. Our camping trip to Jubilee Lake was cut short due to heavy rain storms up in the mountains. We were all sad (and wet) at our washed up vacation. It turned out for the good as we wound up having a very busy weekend at home. Friday morning I nervously approached Mike to share with him my fears about homeschooling the kids this year.
1)I still believe with every fiber of my being that home educating our children is the very best and most ideal choice for them.
2)The last few years have been rough on a lot of things with Jonathan’s illness and death. I was away from home in hospitals with Jonathan so very much and that alone affected the homeschooling.
3)I had thought we would be doing a lot of catching up with school stuff this summer. But we haven’t. Mostly it has been catching up with relationship stuff. My “littles” have needed a lot of mommy time to feel loved and safe. My teens as well have needed some good one on one times of just having fun, shopping, and talking.
4)I had really thought that by now in this crazy grief process stuff….that I would be better. Not so fragile. Not so emotional and needy. I am needy in that I need MORE of everything to function. More sleep. More quiet time with the Lord. More long walks in solitude with my Savior. MORE GOD in every waking second. Living in and through the great sadness learning how to be without Jonathan seems to suck way more energy than I ever imagined. I get less done than ever before. The kid’s needs are met. Mikes needs are mostly met. But there is nothing left of me for homeschooling right now.
5)I was nervous to talk to Mike about my fear that homeschooling the kids wasn’t going to work this year. In reality Mike was relieved when I told him. He felt the same way I did but was hesitant to hurt me. Yes, I would have been felt like an even bigger failure if Mike had told me first; that he thought I wasn’t up to homeschooling this year. Somehow it was better for my self esteem that I was the one to bring it up.
So, instead of spending a long weekend at the Lake, I ran around town enrolling kids in school and “back-to-school” shopping. The kids are all excited and had a good first week of school. I have been adjusting this week to the whole idea. Tamar MyHao is in Kindergarden. Maggie, Josiah and Berhanu in 1st grade. Miriam and Anna in 2nd grade. Meseret in 5th grade. Tigist in 9th at High School. Yasab is still homeschooled in 8th grade. Michael in 11th at Running Start at the college. Solomon will be starting West Side Preschool three mornings a week!
Mike says I am not a failure. He reminds me we always have said that we will be open every year to whatever is the very best thing for each and every child. This is the best thing now for the whole family. I am so thankful the awesome moms and dads I know who raise wonderful Christian children IN public school. It helps me to see your example! It helps me to know this will be okay.
We are heading out the door to Goldendale, be back in a couple days!