Jonathan would have had his 6th birthday yesterday. So very many memories crammed into the last six years. Though I still battle the ugly memories of the tortuous ordeals he was forced to endure in attempts to save his life...those nightmares have eased some with time. More and more when I think of our "Jonnie" it is with peace and smiles to think of his quirky laugh and song singing. How he woke every morning with a total body molding hug around my neck and sweet whisper of "mama". How he was joy filled by all music and for some strange reason especially enjoyed country music?! No matter how many times nurses and doctors poked him and bled him, tied him down for radiation and chemo...he still always greeted them with smiles and hugs and a happy dance. More joy memories now than haunted nightmare memories. I love how God created time. How He uses it. He uses time as the great healer. He uses time to ripen us in knowledge. He uses time for second chances..He uses time for "seventy times seventy" chances. He uses time to allow the living hell of seeing your child die an agonizing death; to grow a heart in ways only extreme grief can grow it. He uses time to cause the worst things to become "good" things. Things for Him.
I miss Jonathan. Always will. But my life is wonderful. How could it not be when I have such a great God? God who can heal the biggest heartaches and forgive the biggest sins. Thank you God for bringing Jonathan into our family. It was awesome...all of it. Even the hardest parts because when it was hardest You showed Yourself the brightest. Thank you God that I know because of You I will see my Jonathan again. I love him so...and I love You more
A baby for Julee! What a glorious day!
The first time Jonathan went bald from chemo. He wasn't too upset about it as you can tell
Transplant was delayed a second time so we were blessed with a third Christmas and Hanukkah with Jonathan
Home away from home "Ronald McDonald House" in Seattle
With big brother Cody at BMT (bone marrow transplant) post radiation and chemo...last day with hair
What radiation, chemo poison and 17 other IV meds can make a person feel like
My poor sweet Jonnie losing the fight for life.
This is how I think of you little man! Happy and at home! Can't wait to be in our real home with you and someday!
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5 comments:
What a beautiful family you have been blessed with... some may stay for a shorter time than others, but all are beautiful.
Blessings on you all.
Wilda in Savannah TN
Birth mom to 2, adoptive mom to 5, foster mom to many, one son in Heaven.. and happily training to do it all again
What a beautiful loving memory post to Jonathan! Happy Birthday, little guy! JOnathan knew the love of an earthly family and now knows the love of our heavenly father!
Sharee Moore
There is no pain like the pain of losing a child- I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Our daughter was killed in an accident when she was 11, and God used this tragedy to lead us into foster care and adoption to help other children. Your ability to continue to love and care for children and use your grief in a positive way is what makes you the incredible mother and woman that you are.
Hugs from one mom to another ((hugs))
Ran across your blog from family circle. What an amazing job you are doing with these beautiful children. We are an adoptive family also....to a daughter from the states. Lots of blessings on your journey. Looking forward to reading more in days ahead. ~ jen
Julee,
I remember praying for your Jonathan when you were in the hospital with him. My little boy got sick not to long after with the same rare illness. It was so heartbreaking all of it. I cried reading your post. Your family is so beautiful! We are all so touched by the love you have for one another and how the Lord is suing your family. Bless you precious Julee. You are a beacon of light and encouragement to all that love orphans and the Lord. In Christ, Alida w5
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